The journey of healing and courage is rarely linear. After the loss of my firstborn son, the courage to have another child became an emotional battle. I needed to find a way to battle fear of death amidst grief . Coming from a traditional Brahmin community, I was advised to perform specific rituals or pujas. While I tried a few , I realized I am not designed for community/people engagement for prayers. I prefer solitude, discipline and my own experiments to learn my own lessons.
I chose Japa, a practice of mantra repetition, as my anchor. Specifically, I committed to the Shiva Panchakshari Mantra: OM NA MA SHI VA YA (five syllables dedicated to Lord Shiva). I was no particular devotee, but it was short and years of worshipping Shiva as a dancer was a natural alignment.
A Year of Japa: 3 Lakh Repetitions
For nearly a year, I practiced Japa, chanting this mantra 1,000 times daily, amounting to three lakh repetitions. It became a 20-minute daily ritual through my pregnancy and beyond. Japa didn’t bring grand revelations or mystical experiences. There were no divine visions or sparkling lights. What it did bring was something far more practical:
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- The ability to focus amidst overwhelming fear.
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- A sense of discipline that helped me feel anchored.
Whenever anxiety arose during my pregnancy—especially after the loss of my firstborn—I turned to this practice. Repeating the mantra over and over became my anchor through fear and anxiety.
Japa Through Crisis: A Lifeline During Labor
One of the most profound moments where Japa helped me was during the birth of my second child. My blood pressure dropped dangerously low—below 50 and I am a beta thalassemic —and I felt my body giving up during labor. But I clung to the rhythm of my Japa :OM NA MA SHI VA YA. It steadied me, gave me something to focus on, and helped me navigate the delivery naturally and without intervention. This is not a medical advice but simply a lived experience of what worked for me.
Everyday Applications of Japa
Japa isn’t just for life-altering moments; it’s a tool for navigating daily challenges. I’ve turned to it countless times:
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- Before a Crisis Meeting: A quick 108 repetitions helped me center myself before walking into tense discussions.
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- Navigating Difficult Conversations: The mantra created an internal sense of calm, helping me approach awkward discussions with clarity and patience.
The beauty of Japa is its simplicity. It doesn’t require rituals or special conditions. It can be practiced anywhere—on a commute, during a journey, or in a quiet corner of your home. Some may prefer a dedicated space, but the practice itself is adaptable to any situation.
Life’s Wisdom Through Japa
One of the greatest lessons Japa taught me is to trust the unfolding of life’s wisdom. During these practices, something you desperately want may start to fall apart. At first, it feels like counter intuitive. Did I not pray or chant for what I wanted ? It is absurd that that very thing now is removed!!.
But as time passes, you begin to see how that loss creates space for something more aligned with your true path.
Japa helps you:
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- Anchor Yourself: Grounding you in the moment, especially during fear or uncertainty.
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- Trust the Process: Teaching you to surrender to life’s unfolding, even when it doesn’t go according to your plans.
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- Build Resilience: Strengthening your ability to manage both everyday challenges and life-altering crises.
Trusting Your Own Path
Through this journey, I also explored meditation techniques and followed Guru Nithyananda, who later became embroiled in scandal. This was a great lesson. While this revelation was disappointing, I wasn’t heartbroken. By then, I had cultivated enough detachment to differentiate between teachings and teachers.
This experience solidified an important truth for me: Don’t blindly trust any path or guide. The only true path is the one you discover through your own practice and experimentation.
The Gift of Discipline
Japa didn’t just help me navigate grief and fear; it gave me the courage to move forward. Today, I am blessed with a beautiful 17-year-old daughter and an amazingly spirited 14-year-old son. It feels as though the divine heard my pain and granted my wish for healthy, happy children.
But more than external blessings, Japa taught me the value of discipline. It allowed me to manage my fears, trust life’s wisdom, and connect with the divine grace that flows through all of us.
A Note to You
If you’re navigating grief, anxiety, or uncertainty, consider grounding yourself in a practice like Japa. It doesn’t require perfection —just consistency and patience.
The mantra you choose doesn’t matter as much as your willingness to show up for yourself every day. Whether you repeat OM NA MA SHI VA YA, explore other mantras, or create a practice that resonates with you, trust the process.
Japa teaches us to anchor ourselves, manage our fears, and trust that life’s wisdom will unfold in its own time. May it help you find your own path to healing, courage, and grace.
