When I became a single parent, the pain of that identity transformation was overwhelming. Staying focused on the good amidst such turmoil felt almost impossible, especially when there was no agreement on the causes of the breakdown. Accepting the situation was one step forward, but how does one handle the negative interactions or those deeply unsettling emotions that arise? At the time, nothing I did seemed to help.
Then I stumbled upon Ho’oponopono, a simple Hawaiian prayer practice: “I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you.”
I began writing it as an experiment, repeating the cycle for 21 days, then extending it to 48 days, and continued this practice for many months. Gradually, I noticed subtle shifts—not dramatic, but small changes in how I responded to conflict or how external triggers seemed to lose their intensity. It wasn’t magical, and it didn’t erase all negativity or lead to perfectly happy endings. But these small, almost imperceptible changes helped interactions feel more neutral and reduced my reactions over time.
I paired this with affirmations, where I wrote positive, intentional statements repeatedly. For example, I would write: “I am resilient and strong,” or “I am worthy of love and peace” 55 times daily for 5 days, or 21 times for 21 days, repeating many such cycles of 21 or 48 days. Over time, they replaced self-doubt with a quiet self-belief and helped me focus on progress rather than pain.
Even today, I return to these practices when I feel emotionally unsteady or overwhelmed. They’ve been valuable tools in softening emotional edges, reducing conflicts, and helping me focus on healing.
Navigating Opinions and Perspectives
When a relationship breaks, everyone has an opinion—especially those who feel wronged by you , whether or not you agree with their perspective. People in the relationship, however, know the deeper truths of what happened. Yet reactions often reflect others’ expectations or judgments about us.
Healing requires stepping away from external noise and focusing on what works for you. For me, this meant embracing a range of practices across different cultural and spiritual settings, knocking on every door that might lead to solace.
Practices That Supported My Healing
Each practice required patience, persistence, and repetition to yield results. Here are a few that worked for me:
1. Ho’oponopono
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- A Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation.
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- The mantra:
“I love you, I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you.”
- The mantra:
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- How I used it:
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- Repeated the mantra in writing, 21 or 48 times daily for many months.
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- Over time, this practice softened emotional edges, reduced reactions, and brought a sense of neutrality to challenging interactions.
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- How I used it:
2. Affirmations
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- Positive, intentional statements to reframe thoughts.
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- How I used it:
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- Wrote affirmations like “I am resilient and strong” or “I am worthy of love and peace” repeatedly.
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- Followed structured cycles, such as writing them 55 times daily for 5 days or 21 times for 21 days, repeating many such cycles over months.
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- These exercises gradually replaced self-doubt with self-belief, creating a more positive internal dialogue.
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- How I used it:
The Reality of Healing
There is no quick path to healing. Small, incremental changes accumulate with consistent effort. Over time, these shifts can take you to places that once seemed impossible.
Today, my days are often productive, happy, or peaceful. But this didn’t happen overnight. It came from repeating practices that initially seemed insignificant and sticking with them long enough to notice their impact. These routines helped me find a place where I could be comfortable with myself and unwilling to compromise my peace. That itself is a meaningful part of healing.
A Note to You
Healing is deeply personal, and each person’s journey will look different. Whether it’s Ho’oponopono, affirmations, or something else, trust in the process and be willing to experiment. With persistence and effort, you’ll find practices that resonate with you and help you move forward.
Take your time. Repeat what works. And trust that the small steps will lead to big changes.
