We are taught to fix, clean up, close out as if the order of things will tell us we have somehow figured it out. Rarely does adult life work that way.
More often, we live in half-closed, messy chapters. And we judge ourselves for it. Somehow we feel we have to solve it all.
Perhaps we do. We cannot sit with mess or bad choices and hold them forever.
But there are things we can never fully resolve – emotional entanglements, our contradictory nature, parts of ourselves that don’t fit neatly together.
If we force resolution, we kill parts of ourselves. The part that still hopes. The part that doesn’t know. The part that is alive precisely because it is unfinished.
And I often wonder: will that closing make us complete as a decision but incomplete as a person?
Why do we rush to resolve?
Maybe because clean feels safe.
Sorted means “I made it.” And “I made it” means no one can judge me anymore.
But keeping things open means being messy, alive, still becoming and that means staying exposed. Someone can always look at your unfinished life and criticize. That scares us.
So we perform closure instead of living through it.
Performed life looks good. Lived life feels better.
The way forward I have learned:
Keep taking one step in a positive direction.
Maybe some things are never resolved . Some emotions, aspirations, mistakes that cannot be undone.
But that should not stop us from living a life we can enjoy and inhabit fully.
The real question is not: Have I resolved this?
The real question is: Does holding this keep me alive? Or is it making me dead inside?
Only you know. And sometimes it takes years to know.
Sometimes we lack the insight or wisdom to know the right path for resolution. If we close things prematurely , just to keep them clean , we only loop them in our heads.
The ending comes when the system – mind, body, soul is ready. Not when others say it should.
Why does everyone insist we need to close things? Unless it is impacting everyday life, health, and wellbeing – why is keeping everything tidy so important?
Maybe it’s because we are performing life more than living it.
Closed boxes look prettier than tangled ribbons.
But I am learning to see beauty in slightly unkempt things – not rotting mess, just life in progress. Tangled colourful ribbons spilling out of the boxes , not tidied up.
A relationship that doesn’t fit any category. I stopped trying to name it.
A question I’ve held for years. I stopped needing an answer.
A chapter that never closed. I stopped calling it failure.
What if the mess is not the problem?
What if the compulsion to fix it is?
You don’t have to sort it all.
You just have to live.
Some things are never resolved. Maybe that’s okay.
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